CPGB and Wurzels: shock revelation

A few weeks ago the Guardian offered an intriguing theory on the finances of the Communist Party. Alas, it is untrue. We didn't have the foresight to make this imaginative investment. For those comrades who don't remember the Wurzels, they were a patronising 'West Country yokel' novelty band from the 1970s with such toe-tapping classics in their repertoire as 'I am a cider drinker' and 'I've got a brand new combine harvester' (there are a number of Wurzels tribute sites on the web for any comrade sad enough to want to know more). Clearly, Mr Norman must have been a little desperate to fill up his column that day ... Instead, the Communists Party has relied on rather more traditional methods of raising money to fund its work - the commitment of members, supporters and sympathisers and their willingness to put hands in pockets to support the fight. We have been accused over the years of receiving money from all sorts of weird and wonderful benefactors. Some of the more colourful have included "“ the East German state, the Communist Party of Turkey, the Revolutionary Communist Group, MI5 (naturally) and, my personal favourite, the Sketchley's dry cleaning chain. In truth, these absurd rumours tell us far more about our accusers than about the CPGB. Opponents who try to smear our organisation over its source of finance reveal themselves first as little better than provocateurs (I exclude comrade Watson from this "“ he just isn't very funny), but second as opportunists. Soft politics breed soft organisations, low demands on a passive membership and a culture of lazy, complacent amateurism. Our communist politics produce the Summer Offensive and small miracles of fund-raising from the membership of this Party. Lastly, regular readers of the Weekly Worker will be aware that I normally use opportunities presented by nonsense accusations about our finances to torture readers with a series of agonisingly bad puns. (See Weekly Worker October 18, 2001 for some excruciating 'Sketchley' examples). I'm sure comrades can see how this 'Wurzels' rubbish is potentially rich in bad puns, but I have been prevailed on by the editor to spare the readership "“ for this week, at least. Thus I call on readers to generously support this year's SO, or else next week a vengeful editor might change his mind ... Mark Fischer